RSSThe Halfway Point
As the year winds down and we begin to reach the halfway point of this little experiment, I thought it might be poignant to talk about how this project has affected me, and the future of it. Like this website itself is one long receipt, this is me writing on it, completely self-aware.
When I first started this in July/August I had just gotten my first moleskine. The summer had been a rough one mentally. I had spent the vast majority of it working and sitting around. I would work, sleep, and eat. It was the little moments of the day, getting a bite to eat, a cup of coffee, etc that would give me a moment to meditate on whatever was on my mind. The moleskine was the way for me to escape the day, writing in it every chance I got.
I was sitting in a coffee shop one day and didn’t have my moleskine with me, so I began playing with the receipt in my hand as an object, imagining everything it was and could be. I started to doodle on it, and then I wrote on it: “Why did I buy this cup of coffee? Probably so I had an excuse to talk to girl at the counter.” I since lost that receipt somewhere in the depths of my car floorboard.
Receipts had already been piling up in the back of my car. I was too much of a pack rat to throw them out, or maybe too lazy, or maybe too busy to care. I don’t know. I noticed I started writing on them more and more, and saving them. In my moleskine, I wrote a note to myself. “Write on receipts, leave them around campus for people to find, become completely self-aware so others will too.” I started doing that.
Then came fall semester. I was taking a language and art course as apart of my major. The professor wanted us to keep a journal from day to day that would either become a project unto itself or serve to foster ideas and propel us into new other projects. This is where this website came about. I decided that I would document one year of my life through every single receipt I get, and post them online for the world to see hoping that my self-awareness, and honesty might allow others to start asking their own questions/feelings, or confirm answers to question/feelings they already had.
In the beginning, these receipts came to serve a raw need for myself; a need to express an ephemeral feeling that would be lost just as fast as the receipt itself would fade (thermal paper). From there it seemed to skyrocket into an insane roller coaster of consumption, vulnerability, and exhibition.
In August, I bought the domain and launched the site. I began testing many different designs and ways the viewer could experience the receipts. Eventually I settled on a blog backbone because of RSS and the nature of how blogs spread. August came and went, I wasn’t really thinking about the site much, but when September came, I noticed a huge bandwidth spike on my server, and didn’t understand why, until I started looking at referrals and traffic.
Since the launch of the site, various local publications, and explosions of traffic, my life changed in subtle but interesting ways. I became more and more conscious, of every single thought, experience, feeling, and action. I gained clarity in my thought. But ironically, as soon as that clarity appeared, so did a very apparent tension. I noticed that my original intentions had changed.
Because I had built a habit of receipt writing, uploading, and checking traffic, this project began to consume my very essence. My own consumption led to consume me. As you the viewer consume my thoughts, feelings, and what I buy - I too, consumed you. Something about the hits and traffic sent parts of my ego flying. I strengthened neural connections due to the habits checking traffic, and it became apart of my everyday. No longer was the project an outlet for expression, it was a way of living.
I made the mistake of telling several people in my life about the project, and fear that this project destroyed or otherwise changed profoundly relationships, friendships, and opportunities. I think that in some ways those people used this site as leverage against me, trying to gain some sense of control over me. In other ways I think some of those people consumed the project and my relationship to them, fantasizing about being some kind of muse. At any rate, this changed how I could interact with people. As much as the truth will set you free, it will also imprison you.
As the year comes to a close and we reach halfway, I feel I have a choice. I can stop here or continue this process of consciousness and ephemeral expression. Being the nature of myself to complete a task, I feel I have to continue. I feel I need to complete the project. I have recently been given 2 offers for publishing, so I feel that the year needs to be completed.
I do not regret starting this project, but I feel that it is important to be conscious of everything about it, including how it has affected me and how I have evolved. It was and still is an experiment, something that is process oriented. I feel that it was important for me to go through the trials that this project offered me, socially and mentally. In more ways than any reader or anyone I talk to will ever know, I have learned a wealth of understanding from doing this.
So my friends, where do I go from here?
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As a reader, and a friend, I have really enjoyed being able to look at this site and have someone else confirm everything I’m normally afraid to say myself. I’ve known you for a long time, but I feel this project has made me understand you more than I ever did before. As far as strangers go, I think this site is a great piece of art. Some might understand everything you say, others… like you said… will not. Those that understand, I imagine, are glad to finally see someone with the same thought pattern and would probably be good folks to hang with out side of the iWorld that is the web.
I know im rambling, but short and sweet, I think this project has been a great tool for you, as well as a great piece of art for many of us, and I would personally like to see it continue.
Don’t stop. I seriously read this everyday. I Stumbled onto it one day and was instantly addicted because my friends and I write notes on receipts and leave them wherever we were. Your blog, the only blog I have ever bothered checking on a regular basis, takes it a step further. I love it. Again, don’t stop.
Even though this experiment may have impacted and changed the relationships and connections you already had with people - and may continue to do so - it is important to know that it has also made a connection with many others who visit the site. I know that I look at my own receipts a little differently since coming here.
I’ve been visiting your site for a while and was struck by the sheer brilliance of tracking your life through receipts and your execution of this idea matches its brilliance. I hadn’t realized that this was an experiment for one year. Ultimately, your personal preference and artistic inspiration should be the determining force in deciding whether to continue, but if you’re looking for input from readers, I would enjoy following this experiment to the end of its planned year (and even longer!).
i want you to continue forever.
<3
I’m inspired and intrigued by your site, your receipts, and your notes. I may be slightly addicted to your site, but I think a part of me would always wonder what you were buying and what you were thinking if you stopped. You definitely rock out loud. (c:
Your little pieces of scribbled insight are more far-reaching than you realize. Unexpected connections and deep-down-inside tugs are what blogging’s about - or, at least, what it’s about for me. You succeed at both, and manifest inspiration more than you know. A blog for you in the morning, mon ami.
As a reader, of course I want you to continue, but you have to follow your instincts. Yes, of course us, the readers want more. We will always want more. That is why we are here. But, you are giving part of yourself on this journal, journey. You are sharing your insides and that can be hard.
Follow your instincts, keep some of -you- for yourself and have a great new year.
a reader,
k
Don’t stop! Concise brilliance is so hard to come by!
i love your website and the concept behind it. you’re very insightful and have a way with words. i’d love to see you continue the project but if you feel that it’s draining your energy, maybe you should reorient yourself. why not blog more often (not necessarily in long-form; your snappy insights are quite delightful)?
i don’t know, maybe the website wouldn’t make sense anymore, but it’s something to consider.. good luck
In any case, you’re already my hero.
I think that a complete life needs to have a little bit of ‘routine’ in it. What if you could have this tiny bit of ‘routine’ in the form of a mental exercise, blogging almost anonimously about your life, in a very innovative way, keeping peoples attention. To me, that would be just awesome.
If you are looking for some reason to keep spending time blogging here, I hope you can find it. Maybe in the things I said, or anywhere else.
Keep up with the good work and Happy Holidays!
My vote, much the same as anyone who has subscribed to this, is to keep it going. It truly is an ingenious method of documenting ones daily life. While I would hate for this to end, it would be completely understandable. Perhaps a break? I have a feeling you’d miss the project as much, if not more than your readers, and thus a short break may tear you away enough as to resume a ‘normal’ life, but not completely isolate yourself from the project.
Regardless, best of luck.
Dude, don’t stop! This shit is quite addicting.
I love the site. As a student in the arts, I can appreciate how a project can drain the life out of you. (If it doesn’t, one should question its validity.) Regardless of what you do, promise that you’ll somehow inform us of future projects. I’m curious to see what you’ll do next…
I think you’d regret not continuing this. I write pretty often and I love going back to read what I had written last year. Writing is different than looking at photographs. With pictures you get a snapshot, an instant, less than a second. But when you write, you get everything. At least that’s what I’ve found looking back on my old stuff; you get more out of it.
The point: Even if this was just an experiment, even if it changed your life in ways you’re still ambivalent about, even if you’re afraid of what this might do to you, this has certainly changed you and there’s nothing you can do about it. Don’t fight it. Don’t try to stick to your one-year time frame just because it was the plan. I say go with it.
Your site has inspired me to start my old journal back up, and it’s somewhat become a symbol of me to the people I know, and for christmas, the one of my friends that I’ve trusted enough to read my journal has given me a lovely leather bound notebook with a quill pen, seeing as my other notebook is falling apart.
Thank you for the push to start my writing back up, whether you choose to continue the blog or not.
In the end, just be sure to do what makes YOU happy.
i think lora said it best
Well, I’m a little late on this one but I’m going to put down my two cents as well.
I really enjoy this site, this experiment. I’ve said it before in the comments but I’ve thought about replicating this and doing the same or similar myself.
It’s weird. I stumbled upon this site and I was instantly enthralled with it. I read the whole backlog, bookmarked the site, and read it whenever I get the chance. When I realized that you lived so close to me (I live in Edmond but visit Norman constantly) I think I began to feel a closeness - it’s somewhat reassuring that someone has such similar thoughts to me on a daily basis (it’s odd how physical closeness can do that when you’re reading something on the internet). When I go into someplace in Norman I oft times wonder “Has he met this person? Has he scribbled his thoughts down about him/her and were they the same as mine?”
I would love to see this going for the entire year span or even more. It’s intriguing, honest, brave, heartfelt, and wonderful. However, whatever you do in the future, I wish you luck.
On a side note, I can’t believe you told your “real-life” friends about it! I don’t think I would be trusting enough to show more than a handful of people this site.
I think this is a neat project. But, I can totally understand how the prospect of gaining exposure and recogniztion could distract you from your original artistic need and vision. Don’t keep going just to prolong or increase the exposure of the project. Find someone who will publish it even if it’s not a full year, if you feel that it’s becoming too systematic and product-oriented.
Although you should do what’s best for you, I would love to see the site continue. It really is a very interesting concept, and I’m glad you decided to do it.
Namreg put it well: “In any case, you’re already my hero”
=]
I think what you are doing here is very interesting. I make an effort to check your site on a consistant basis. I do though understand how this has changed your life and how people you know may be changing the outcome of what you write. I think if this had been untainted by people that are you friends, this could of been something life changing for you. If you continue on without a bias on what you are writing based on who is reading it, I think you will achieve a greater sense of accomplishment. This is just a stranger’s perspective, all that I know of you is what I read. If you ever publish a book of all your receipts, I would definitely buy it. Best of Luck.
First, from a reader point of view, please, go on, it’s brilliant (as in art matter than modern literature).
On second hand, I think I understand your feelings of this little by little transformations. You maybe know J.Cortàzar, the argentinian writer, who, in a novel, told the story of a man visiting an aquarium and, step by step, thinking to his life in front of it,takes the place of the fish (name Axolototl)he was looking at.I think computers and Web is doing that on us, as if to say! Sorry for my aproximate english. All the best.
I can honestly say I enjoyed your portion of Momentum, though not as thoroughly as the pretty blonde in a cobalt cocktail dress and painful heels. Something tugged at me until I got home. I have seen this before, I thought. I Googled (damn! How odd how quickly this became a readily-useable and understandable word) “receipts.” Mark Thomas. Oh, yeah, I just couldn’t remember his name. He has catalogued his receipts for almost two decades. Granted, he has only written on some of them. It’s tough being an artist. Things pull at you. Project ideas disturb everyday thought until they evetually usurp all of your time, money, and normal life. Appropriation abounds in art. It is said no idea is original– something always has a reference point. I searched your website and newspaper articles– no mention of Mr. Thomas–though the Creative Commons symbol is sweetly ironic: “No Derivative Works. You may not alter, transform, or build upon this work”.
P.S. I’m sure Mark Hancock, the photographer from the Oklahoma Gazette, would probably appreciate some credit, too, for the picture you use on your website.